


when the stars shine the brightest.

by lithiumlevi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 3am talks under the stars, Angst, Armin's a precious lil bean, F/M, Hange is spelled Hange not Hanji, Levi probably showing way too much emotion, M/M, Unrequited Love, depressed reader, i'm actually sorry for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 23:04:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11218089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lithiumlevi/pseuds/lithiumlevi
Summary: Eren is dying.A harsh fact that the survey corps would have to come to terms with.





	when the stars shine the brightest.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably really bad, and yes I realize that they don't have the anesthetic in this time period, but we're having it for the plot's sake. Try to enjoy!

_Overexertion._

Hange had guessed, the amount of strain he'd put on his heart in such a short amount of time was too much for his body to handle. The Corps had only come public with this information 2 days ago, Hange also said he needed a brand new heart if he remotely had a chance.

No one was volunteering, no one wanted to die, no even wanted to fathom the idea of death. Meaning, Eren was most likely gonna die, but y/n couldn't let that happen. You _wouldn't_ let that happen, not on your watch. You believed that Eren was one of humanity's greatest assets, he couldn't go down just because he didn't have a working heart. After a long night of thinking about it, you decided that you would be the one to give up your life.

Three days after the announcement, you found yourself walking along the dimly lit hallways in the dead of the night, an anonymous note in your shaky hands. The world around was asleep until you got to the superiors side of headquarters, light flooded the hallway from the cracks under the doorways and quiet shouting echoed through y/n’s ears. Soon, you were in front of Hange’s laboratory, deciding if you had the balls to follow through with your original plan. When running through your options again, you quickly shoved the note beneath under the door and scurried away back to your dorm before anyone could notice your presence.

Flopping onto your bed tiredly, the beginnings of a sunrise peaked through your window as you groaned. Had it really taken that long to drop off that letter? If so, _why_ did it take so long to drop it off?

Or maybe the time had just slipped past you, the night passing quicker than it ever had before. It always seemed to do that of late. Time had always passed relatively quickly, but now it was just flying past you, leaving no time to really experience anything. Except for the numbness of this world, especially after Eren had been mortally wounded. The entire corps moral had been at an all time low, not to mention in disarray. Since Hange and the Captain had been away tending to Eren, no one had taken over day to day duties like training or cleaning. Some people just did it out of routine and habit, but others just spent their days lounging around and enjoying the off time with friends.

Not for you though.

Your days had been spent wandering around HQ, looking somewhat dead as you worried for Eren’s well being. Everyone tended to avoid you when you had lapses like this, thinking it was better for you to get out of it yourself. Normally Eren would've come to your rescue after about 3 days in the little spell of yours, but now that he was the cause of it, no one could help. Not like you needed it the most right now anyways.

Eren was dying, Mikasa's was probably heartbroken, and Armin is probably scared out of his mind. The latter two were probably toughing it out together outside of Eren’s room while you were stuck with yourself.

You sat alone in the dining hall during all 3 meals, not like you could eat anything though. You couldn't digest anything after the decision you had made earlier that morning, and that's really how the rest of your day went. You had walked around HQ aimlessly all day, occasionally breaking out into a sprint or taking your horse on a journey. Eventually though, the sun had set and the curfew was still in order. An upper officer practically dragged you back into your dorm. And as the door closed, you slid down against the smooth hardwood and realized you were grateful to not have a roommate. They only would've bothered you and asked what was wrong. To which you would've given them some bullshit answer that would satisfy them and their fake care for you, making them leave you alone.

Some time later, you had found yourself in your comfy clothes, lying on the uncomfortable bed as you mindlessly stared at the ceiling. You didn't know when you got there or when you changed your clothes, but you had at least hoped to get some sleep. Mother Nature, though, obviously didn't want to cooperate. And that is how you found yourself on the castle rooftop, stargazing as you reminisced on your somewhat decent life.

The peaceful silence had calmed whatever little nerves you had left as you shivered from a gust of wind. It hadn't been really cold, but it still was a little chilly as you had wished you'd brought a blanket or cloak to cover up. But after what seemed like hours of silence in the frigid weather, the door creaked open and revealed certain blonde haired boy.

“Y/n?” He stuttered out. You looked over your shoulder stoically, eyes somewhat widening due to the state of the young genius. His clothes were wrinkled and worn, his hair standing up in weird places, and the beginnings of dark circles were forming under his eyes. You only turned back around, almost smirking satisfaction at the fact someone finally understood that that was how you felt on a daily basis. Granted, you did hide it a lot better than the small blond who took a seat next to you.

There was a comfortable silence as both tired teens drank in the chilly breeze that relaxed them. Armin kept glancing to you, trying to figure out if you were in the mood for a conversation. If you were, he was trying to find a good ice breaker. Of course, you came up with one for him after noticing his awkwardness.

“It's a beautiful night to die, Armin.” He choked out a gasp and looked to your hunched figure with wide eyes. “Don't joke like that y/n,” he scolded after regaining control of himself. His cerulean eyes were hard and swirled with determination. You simply laughed, twirling a piece of h/c hair around your index finger.

“Who said I was joking?” Before he knew what he was doing, his hand flew across your face as the sound of slap echoed through the night. Both of you gasped in shock. Armin was surprised he even had that in him and you were just taken off guard by it. You and Armin had never really talked that much, but from what you gathered he wasn't one to resort to violence, he was more of a logic guy.

“I'm sorry.” He stuttered out, reaching out to touch your face. You shrugged him off dismissively, turning to face the confused blonde. “It's alright Armin,” you chuckled quietly. “I probably deserved it.” He shrunk back, not knowing how to respond to such an upsetting statement.

There was a calm quietness that lingered in the air, both teens relished in it. For calmness was a luxury that they could not afford in this life, especially with Eren’s life on the line. The gears in Armin’s head turned and turned, trying to figure out how you would die tonight. After only minutes of thinking about it, the answer had hit him like a train.

“You're giving your heart up for Eren?” He asked suddenly. You giggled quietly, chucking the pebble that you held tight in your hand. “Ding. Ding.” You drawled lazily, “You hit the jackpot.” Armin sighed. He knew this, he’s seen it in so many people before. A defense mechanism to keep someone from breaking down, it's exactly how you were acting. The emotionless, sarcastic, monotone facade was all to cover up the sadness that filled your heart to the brim.

“Why?” He whispered almost inaudibly. His complex mind couldn't handle this amazing information in its frazzled state. You shrugged, not having a straight answer for the demanding young boy. He only sighed, realizing that you weren't ready to explain yourself yet.

“I can't let you go through with this, do you know how upset and disappointed everyone will be?” Armin argued with her. He hoped that if he talked with you long enough, it would somehow convince you that this was a terrible idea and change your unknown reasoning. You looked up to the sky, blinking tiredly as the clouds gave way to bright stars and a half moon.

“I'm nobody’s first choice.” you whispered bitterly. “Maybe I once was, but not anymore.” Armin had only stared at you in complete shock. “To be frank, I don't care anymore.” You stated solemnly. The moonlight lit your tired and worn features, showing off every little wrinkle and scar time had ever given you. Y/n looked up to the glowing stars with a bitter smile. “I've been on the wrong side of the gun and the knife to many times, I've thought about taking away the only precious thing I have on more than a few occasions.” Armin could only stare at you as  he tried to comprehend your monologue about some of your traumas. Just thinking about it turned the gears in his head. “Anyways, I'd rather go out dying for someone I love then taking my own life, it's a glorified way to die in a way.” You chuckled quietly, a sad smile taking over your features. The blonde haired boy sitting next to you only let out a shocked gasp. “No one will remember my name, they’ll just say, ‘remember that one girl who gave your heart up to save humanity's savior? What a great girl.” Armin stared at y/n in horror. How could you be taking dying so lightly? And why? Why were you so willingly to give it up that easily?

“You don't have to do this, you know? You can turn back.” A bitter cackle fell from your lips. “My friends and family will be a hell of a lot prouder of me if I die for this then as titan food.” Armin wanted to scream at Y/n. You were 16, you have a life to live, not to mention you were an amazing asset to the survey corps.

“Why are you doing this?” you still refused to look Armin in the eye as you whispered, “you never need to know _why_ you are doing something when you're doing it for love.” He gasped. How had he not noticed the subtle glances that you always gave him? Or your always vexing nature? Was he really that blind?

“Yeah, crazy, huh?” you murmured. “I never thought I would be dying so the man I loved could live on without knowing my feelings.”

“I'm sorry.” He choked out. Y/n snorted quietly, dismissing him with a wave. “Don't be, we never had a chance anyways.” Silence shrouded the two as the sun rose in the east. It was a beautiful sight. Oranges and pale yellows mixed with the rose and lavender hues as the stars faded away into nothing. There was no other memory you would rather have in your head before you died.

With a sigh, you got up abruptly, dusting off your black slacks silently. The blonde haired boy that sat next to you took little notice to your actions, he instead decided to focus on the breathtaking view in front of him.

“Thank you, Armin.” you told him quietly. “It was good to get everything off my chest before I died, thank you for that.” The blue eyed boy only nodded his head while standing up. He looked down then looked back up at you and cast his gaze down again.

“Is there anything you want me to, um, tell him?”  You shrugged, beginning to head for the door. “Tell him anything you want after I'm dead, it's not like I can stop anyone in this damn place from bitching about me.” Armin frowned at the comment you made but none the less followed you back inside. You two walked side by side in complete silence, being careful as to not wake up any of the other soldiers that would still be asleep at this ungodly hour.

“Are you sure you want this, y/n?” Armin whispered, breaking their unspoken quietness. They continued to walked down the hallways almost silently. It was already bad enough that Armin knew, you didn't need anyone else to know that you were the one who gave up your life for humanity’s savior. “Positive, Armin.” You told him tightly. “Cause, you know as soon as you go under that you-I'll never wake back up.” You finished for him boredly. “I know, but if I don't do this, Eren will never wake up again.” Armin sighed, looking at their surroundings warily. You guys had been in the superiors wing for some time now, but he still had no clue where you were going. Soon enough though, both of you had reached Hange’s laboratory in record time.

You stopped in front of the door as Armin blocked the handle from yourself. He was conflicted, very conflicted, you could see it clear as day in his eyes. Should he let you, this amazing cadet, give your life for humanity’s hope? Or pray to god that Eren could recover on his own?

“I need one reason,” he whispered almost inaudibly. “One reason that I should let you do this.” Armin ordered quietly, his voice trying to be demanding. Y/n sighed, picking at your nails uninterestedly while coming up with a response. “1, your Eren’s best friend and want him alive. 2, Eren gives this whole Corps hope, I bring it distress and despair.” Armin’s eyes saddened. There really was no saving you, it was a final decision. You, Y/n l/n, were so depressed that you believed your existence was not important to the Corps. And from that statement alone, Armin had concluded that there was no changing your mind.

“I'm sorry, y/n, that I couldn't make your last day better.” you laughed, stopping in the doorway. “What are you talking about?” your e/c orbs stared into Armin’s soul gently. “I spent my last day alive with one of the most intellectual people I know,” you told him. “I thought it was a very great last day.” Armin looked up at you sadly as you took another two steps in. Y/n had turned back around to face Armin with hollow eyes and a grim smile.

“Don't stress yourself too much after my death, this was my choice completely, you know that,” you whispered. “Don't let my baggage weigh you down.” With a squeak of surprise, Armin had wrapped his arms around you tightly. “Thank you, so much.” He whispered. “Of course.” you closed the door as soon as he pulled away from you. Even as you closed the door, the realization of your decision finally settled in. You were dying today, and not even you could suppress the tears that threatened to slip down your face.

Hange had already been patiently awaiting the donor’s arrival, but not even she could hide the shock in her face as you entered the room. Wiping the tears away from your eyes, you looked up and noticed two other people in the room.

“Y-y/n?” Hange had squeaked out. The tone of her voice showed how genuinely surprised she was. Who would’ve thought that such a talented newbie would be the one to give up her life for Eren? The two other commanding officers couldn't suppress their surprise either as they emerged from the shadows. The short, raven haired male walked up to you slowly, his jaw set and eyes hard. You looked down to your superior, seeing straight through his harsh steel eyes. Guilt and sorrow swirled within those tired orbs of his.

“Tell me why you're doing this?” Levi asked. Though his tone implied that it was an order, the Corporal was genuinely curious to hear her logic. “He's humanity's hope, someone needs to save him.” You responded blandly. The expression on your face was emotionless, almost as if you weren't alive. Not satistfied with the answer, Levi surged forward in anger, grabbing your collar harshly. “That's a load of bullshit.” He growled. “Levi,” Erwin warned. The shorter male only snarled, getting up into your face. “Tell me the truth!” He ordered. You flashed a grim smile before telling him the same thing you told Armin.

“You don't have to know _why_ you're doing something when it's for love.”

Hange’s and Erwin’s eyes softened as Levi’s widened in shock, his grip slacking on your shirt as he stumbled back. Your soft chuckle sounded through the lab as you plucked your superiors hand off your clothing. “It was never going to happen anyway, don't feel sorry. Eren’s too far gone for you to ever see me the way I see him.” You began turning away from Levi until he put his hand on your shoulder, spinning you around to face him. Your e/c eyes widened in confusion after seeing the look on the Corporal’s face.

“I-I’m sorry that it had to happen like this.” You looked at him with a bitter smile, biting back a spiteful laugh. “Happen like why? Unrequited love?” You suggested quietly, looking at your feet then back up at Levi sadly. “Nah, you and Eren were made for each other, it'd only be painful for me stick around much longer.” You straightened up, picking at your fingernails gently. “Besides, it's no secret that everyone likes to bitch about me,” the three superiors eyes saddened. They had heard all the stories and rumors people made up about you.

You were an outstanding cadet, way better than anyone else in your graduation class. People were bitter and jealous of you, so they instead decided to ruin your life with all these rumors. You never allowed anyone to catch on to how much it affected you, that's just always been how you’ve rolled.

You looked back up at your superiors with a grim smile. “But, I'm over it. Everything, my dreams, my life, it's all gone after today,” you took a deep breath. “So let’s get started,” your voice was too bright, but they all knew it was to cover up the sadness and tiredness of your scratchy voice.

“You are aware of what happens?” you snort out a sad chuckle. “I'm _dying_ today Hange, yes, I'm aware.” The scientist snatches you up in her long arms, stroking your h/c locks softly. You went rigid into her embrace, letting her do what she pleased. “I'm so sorry.” The brunette whispered. You finally relaxed into her arms and let a few tears slip down your cheek and into Hange’s jacket. “It’s okay,” you paused, pulling away abruptly while taking in a shaky breath. “I’m leaving my life behind with no regrets, and that's all you can really ask for in this fucked up world.” Levi almost let out a gasp, the words ringing so familiar in his head.

_No regrets._

A life he wished he could have, but he had already made too many mistakes to even fathom the idea of leaving this world with no regrets.

Hange looked over you with a sad smile, “Any last requests?” You blinked slowly, clenching your fists softly. “Tell Eren that this isn't his fault,” you whispered, another wave tears stinging the back of your eyes. Erwin and Levi watched the scene with hollow eyes and grimaces.

You were probably going to be the next Levi Ackerman, they both knew it. Instead of following through with your potential, you were donating your heart to a better cause, a cause that they had fought so hard for themselves. Who were they to say that your decision was wrong?

“And,” you paused to suck in a deep breath. “If any of you make it long enough to where Titans are no more, go to an ocean for me, please.” Hange nodded, tears pricked her eyes as the anesthesia mask hovered over your mouth.

“What your doing is very noble, cadet y/n l/n.” Erwin interrupted boldly, crouching down next to the operating table. You turned your head to look at your superior with curious eyes. “You have earned mine and the entire world’s respect.” A tear slipped down your face as you shook his outstretched hand. “I'm dying for what I signed up for, sir.” The blonde man nodded in acknowledgment. “Your sacrifice will not go unnoticed.” You nodded with a grim smile as he letting your hand go. The Commander stood up to face Hange and gave her the go ahead silently.

Eren’s chances of survival were falling by the seconds. If they didn't get this done quick, two very great people might die today.

“Count to 10,” Hange’s voice cracked. “Think of your happy place.” Your glassy e/c eyes slowly slipped shut and pale lips stretched in a graceful smile. It was the last time y/n l/n would ever open her eyes. The last image you had in your mind, that beautiful sunset you saw earlier that morning.

“I love you,” you whispered quietly.

“Eren.”


End file.
